Really Long Post

Lately I have been feeling very overwhelmed . Every year I have a Back To School Breakdown. You know, kind of like a Christmas Cry? So much going on..... you think you're handling it SO WELL and then suddenly boom-------- you're in tears and you don't know why. Then you remember O yes I haven't had my breakdown yet... And so here it is.

This year it happened twice in one week. Stupid reasons, really. My first one was Tuesday. I just happened to break just as Linds opened her front door to greet me. I love Linds. She had accepted a last minute favor to tend Bridge. I was picking him up. Sorry Linds. What would I do without you? I told her about my long day. (Like she had nothing better to do.) I had just come from the doctor's office. Meg's 7th grade checkup. Dally's Kindergarten check up. Both were getting shots. (Something I just have great anxiety over because I get so torn on whether they should be getting them anyway.) Will Dally get sick after, like he did last time? Will they find the records they lost for the last set he got two years ago, because he can't go to Kindergarten if they don't. Ya da Ya da Ya da.

Then the long discussion about insurance issues, and finally the not-so-nice lady tells me the amount due. I go to get my card out. Gone. Crap. Adam took it this morning because he is still waiting for his new one to come in the mail. Freak! What do I do? Umm I have a five, some ones? Then, thankfully Meggy pipes up "I have some cash in the car, do you want me to go get it?" Yes! Yes! Yes! Weird. She has exactly the amount needed to match the little I had in my purse. Thank you, Meg. Yes I know I still owe you. Little did we know we had another hour and a half wait time before we would even see the doc. Ugh. Earlier I had waited one whole hour to see the school counselor for one tiny little class change for Brin. Thus, Breakdown number one.

Yesterday Kade called me while I was a Walmart, picking up some last minute school supplies. Mom I have pack meeting. When? 10 minutes. Great. We get there late. Kade is the only one Not wearing his scout shirt. His is too small. I bought him a new one, but it was the wrong color. Thanks lady at the scout store. Sorry Kade. Needless to say, after watching all the cute little boys get hundreds and hundreds of awards, I realized I had forgotten something. Well a lot of somethings. Scouts? What the heck is pack meeting anyway? When did Kade get involved in this make-moms-feel-like-crap activity? (I'm being Very Sarcastic right now by the way.) Then I start thinking about the last Young Women Recognition Night I had gone to and felt the same way. After blaming everyone I could think of because it couldn't be MY fault, I saw the clear picture. Man I am NOT a good mom. I really really suck. The rest of the hour I just sat there with a huge lump in my throat. Fighting the urge to cry. Until I got home to Adam, of course. In which I broke. Scouts. Personal Progress. They are just on That list. You know the list. The ---I just can't quite get to that task List. Right up there with mopping the floor. Adam gave me about five minutes and said----(and this is why I love him) K. Jo. Enough with the pity party parade. Go get his dang book and lets pass one off tonight. Love that man. No, He didn't really say dang.

He sat with Kade and came up with some goals for the week. I sat with Brinley and came up with some, too. Still need to sit with Meg. Wow, we really can be good parents. Maybe I should cry more often. No not really. I feel like a big baby when I cry. I try not to do it too often. Really. It has been a while. ---Shut Up, Adam.

So now I'm realizing-----I HAVE to do this. There is a reason the Lord wants us too. I can do this Mormon Mom thing, right? My mother did it. O how did she do it? I am more and more thankful for her the older I get. The older my kids get. I Love YOu Mom.

Video of the kids first day of school.

Song by Mindy G.